Don’t Ever Grow Up

We had some dear friends visiting this weekend with their two daughters. Kate and Ella have known each other since they were about three weeks old, and little sisters Sara and Chloe are fast friends, too. It was a nice, sunny day, so we took them all to the local zoo. They had a great time, with one small blip: Kate was too tall for the pony ride.

Apparently she is now four feet tall, and that’s the upper limit. Actually, I guess that means she must be slightly taller than four feet. Who knew? So no one rode the ponies; we comforted a tearful Kate and rode the carousel instead.

Poor girl! She was very disappointed. I reminded her of when she was too small to ride anything good at the amusement park we go to at the shore every summer. I pointed out that she’s getting older, and how cool that is. She’ll be in second grade next year. She’s getting adult teeth. She has pierced ears, and she even owns dangly earrings. I can drop her off at her dance class and watch from the car as she makes her way in. I can barely pick her up, much less carry her around. She can snuggle onto my lap, but only with her long legs tucked off to the side.

When my girls were babies and toddlers, the days dragged and dragged. I’d be out on the sidewalk craning my neck down the street when it was about time for Todd to get home. I kept dreaming about when they’d be old enough to feed themselves, sleep through the night, use the potty, go to school. The amount of time and effort and energy and drudgery involved in parenting drained and overwhelmed me.

Now my little one, Sara, is almost done with preschool; she starts kindergarten in the fall. They both have activities and active social lives. Sara’s new favorite thing to do is use the bathroom in a restaurant by herself: I’m allowed to watch her go in, but I have to stay at the table.

Even though it used to be what I wanted more than anything, it’s hard that they’re getting bigger. It is wonderful to have more personal freedom (though they still like to hang all over me, and I remind myself when they do that they won’t want to forever). And they are such smart and funny people, I love to just hang out and chat with them. They’re both enthusiastic about learning and, to my delight, reading.

For the most part, I do welcome it. But in other ways, I’d love to freeze them in time right now. I joke with Sara that she has to stop getting bigger and taller. “Don’t grow up. Just stop it!” I say. She replies, “Mom, I can’t help it! I can’t stop growing!”

There’s a Taylor Swift song called “Never Grow Up.” It’s a pretty dang mature song for Taylor to have written, actually. It’s all about not wanting a child to get bigger, for her to always stay little and simple and unmarked. Then it turns into a song about a young woman wishing she hadn’t grown up, even though she wanted to so much.

That’s sort of how I feel about these little girls getting older.

Yes, I know they’re not that big yet. Seven and five is still little. But I see now how fast the time is going to start to go. The cliché is true — the one you can’t get your head around when you’re smack in the middle of baby- and toddlerhood. The days might go by slowly, but the years pass quickly.

So I try to enjoy my daughters’ present as much as I can. And on the cusp of them both being in school all day, every day, at the same place and on the same schedule (hallelujah!), I now need to start putting together more of the pieces of my own future.


2 Comments on “Don’t Ever Grow Up”

  1. Jeff Silvey says:

    Good post.

    Yes, they grow so fast. I try to relish the time I have with my daughter, because I know it won’t be forever. It’s a nice reminder when you’re in the middle of laundry and chores and everything else.


  2. Pam Jacover says:

    I so love reading your blog. My 2 oldest girls are the exact same age as yours (one even with the same name!) and this is so true. It also explains why there is a 4 1/2 year gap until my third came along–I was so sad when Lauren entered preschool and I saw them slipping away. I feel like I am so lucky to have another chance to get it “right”–to appreciate each day, each stage, each moment. It’s gone in the blink of an eye.


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