Clear

13882356_10209102520493491_3013125652136853719_nI just went to the eye doctor to get a new prescription for my contacts. I’d had the ones I was wearing forever, and I could tell I needed stronger ones for distance. What I didn’t realize was that stronger lenses for distance meant reading glasses for close-up work, because the close-up view wasn’t going to be so clear anymore.

Like most of us, I do a ton of close-up work. I also read all the time. It’s been about two weeks and I am already completely sick of having to put the damn glasses on every time I want to look at a book, a menu, or my phone. And it’s not just that — it feels positively claustrophobic to me to have to have the glasses on over my contacts to see anything close up.

Chalk it up to getting older; I’m not the only person in her mid-40s who needs reading glasses. But I didn’t bet on how discombobulating this would be. I went to the doctor because my vision wasn’t so sharp; now I feel less clear than before.

This is all pretty interesting because, at the same time, I’m trying to figure out what my next phase should be. My daughters are almost 11 and 13; they are way more independent than they were even a year ago. I’ve been lucky to be able to work and be home with them for many years. But now I’m feeling like I need and want something else, something more. Some project or job or plan that’s just mine, that will inject some new energy into my days. Some new people, a new routine. Something that fires me up a little.

To that end, I met with a friend yesterday who’s becoming certified to be a life coach. I’d answered some questions for her before our meeting, and based on what I’d written, she said I seemed really clear on who I am and what I’m passionate about. Communication and connection are my two big things. I’m also feeling ready to do things that previously I’d have been afraid to do, or that I would have said I couldn’t do.

I think she’s right that I’m clear on who I am, and even on how I want to feel. The unclear part is exactly what that looks like in terms of what I want to do.

And just when I’m trying to get clarity on this, my vision literally feels obscured.

The good part is that I’ve been able to make one major life decision that I’m absolutely sure about: progressive lenses. I want and need to be able to see everything clearly, all the time.

That will be a start.

 

 

 

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